It is an understatement that being a mom is the hardest job in the world…because it IS, and then some!  It is also the most valued, cherished, and treasured gift…to be a mom.  But there are times I wish someone would hold my mom-card and let me watch from the sideline. 

I’m sure you’re thinking, suck it up honey we all have bad days.  The 2-year old tantrums, the “D” in physics class…no one needs that by the way, unless you’re a physicist!  Nah, not those times.  Those times just give me a good reason to open a bottle of wine SOLO!  Or get a new tattoo!

I’m talking about the times when your heartstrings are being pulled so tight you think they’re gonna break.  My sister used to always say, little kids-little problems, big kids-big problems.  The same holds true for heart angst.  Yes, your little boogers give you heart angst.  They fall down at the playground.  Or they drop an F-bomb in 4th grade so appropriately, you almost want to applaud their usage.  But they’re safe, they’re within your grasp.  You can protect them from harm (and then beat the crap out of them for cursing).

Within the past year, my youngest (17y.o.) trusted us enough to share she was part of the LGBTQ community.  She has a girlfriend.  They went to the prom together.  She is becoming more open, expressing herself as an individual and who she’s choosing to love.  Every time she comes home from somewhere I do a silent scan of her mood and demeanor to see if I can pick up on any negativity she experienced.  I want to protect her.  I want to make sure no harm comes her way.  I want to stand in front and clear a path of all hatred and bigotry.  But I can’t.  HEARTSTRINGS…

My oldest (19yo) left yesterday for a 4-week study abroad in Spain.  I feel nauseous.  I have a sore in my mouth from biting my cheek so hard to stop the tears from coming.  I’m trying so hard not to be THAT mom.  Even though I-got-mad-LOVE for THAT mom, cause I can totally fucking relate right now!  I want to protect her.  I want to make sure no harm comes her way.  I want to be in control of her coming home safe and sound.  But I can’t.  HEARTSTRINGS…

It makes so much sense now why my mom still calls me to put out my recycling!  I’m almost 48, and I have a 17 & 19 yo!  You’re always Mom.  I think my mom’s heartstrings pull even harder these days.  She not only has her own adult children to angst over, but she also has her grandchildren to angst over now too.

So if anyone’s free to hold my mom-card, just for a little bit, I would greatly appreciate it.  I just need a pause, a regroup, a moment to smack myself in the face and say:

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BITCH!!!

I can handle the toddler moments, the teenage trials and errors.  But having to let them go and deal with the world on their own, whether across the globe or at the local Starbucks, is so damn hard!

I guess if we didn’t love them so much, it wouldn’t hurt so much.  So don’t judge me for the empty bottles on the counter, the box of tissues in the trash, or the new tattoo of my daughters’ faces when they were babies (I may regret that one).  If you see a mom who seems to be a little angsty, don’t judge, give a hug!  We’re all just doing the best we can.