Tag Archives: humor

Can someone please hold my MOM-card?

 

 

supermom

It is an understatement that being a mom is the hardest job in the world…because it IS, and then some!  It is also the most valued, cherished, and treasured gift…to be a mom.  But there are times I wish someone would hold my mom-card and let me watch from the sideline. 

I’m sure you’re thinking, suck it up honey we all have bad days.  The 2-year old tantrums, the “D” in physics class…no one needs that by the way, unless you’re a physicist!  Nah, not those times.  Those times just give me a good reason to open a bottle of wine SOLO!  Or get a new tattoo!

I’m talking about the times when your heartstrings are being pulled so tight you think they’re gonna break.  My sister used to always say, little kids-little problems, big kids-big problems.  The same holds true for heart angst.  Yes, your little boogers give you heart angst.  They fall down at the playground.  Or they drop an F-bomb in 4th grade so appropriately, you almost want to applaud their usage.  But they’re safe, they’re within your grasp.  You can protect them from harm (and then beat the crap out of them for cursing).

Gay smoke flag, The rainbow flagWithin the past year, my youngest (17y.o.) trusted us enough to share she was part of the LGBTQ community.  She has a girlfriend.  They went to the prom together.  She is becoming more open, expressing herself as an individual and who she’s choosing to love.  Every time she comes home from somewhere I do a silent scan of her mood and demeanor to see if I can pick up on any negativity she experienced.  I want to protect her.  I want to make sure no harm comes her way.  I want to stand in front and clear a path of all hatred and bigotry.  But I can’t.  HEARTSTRINGS

granada spain

My oldest (19yo) left yesterday for a 4-week study abroad in Spain.  I feel nauseous.  I have a sore in my mouth from biting my cheek so hard to stop the tears from coming.  I’m trying so hard not to be THAT mom.  Even though I-got-mad-LOVE for THAT mom, cause I can totally fucking relate right now!  I want to protect her.  I want to make sure no harm comes her way.  I want to be in control of her coming home safe and sound.  But I can’t.  HEARTSTRINGS

It makes so much sense now why my mom still calls me to put out my recycling!  I’m almost 48, and I have a 17 & 19 yo!  You’re always Mom.  I think my mom’s heartstrings pull even harder these days.  She not only has her own adult children to angst over, but she also has her grandchildren to angst over now too.

So if anyone’s free to hold my mom-card, just for a little bit, I would greatly appreciate it.  I just need a pause, a regroup, a moment to smack myself in the face and say:

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BITCH!!!

I can handle the toddler moments, the teenage trials and errors.  But having to let them go and deal with the world on their own, whether across the globe or at the local Starbucks, is so damn hard!

I guess if we didn’t love them so much, it wouldn’t hurt so much.  So don’t judge me for the empty bottles on the counter, the box of tissues in the trash, or the new tattoo of my daughters’ faces when they were babies (I may regret that one).  If you see a mom who seems to be a little angsty, don’t judge, give a hug!  We’re all just doing the best we can.

heart

I’m no Business Casual…

 

boss lady

The day of the interview I was on POINT!  I wore a beautiful salmon colored blouse, loose leg navy pants with nude shoes, appropriate gold jewelry that was understated yet noticeable.  Sitting next to the other interviewee in the lobby, I clearly claimed role of “Boss”, Continue reading I’m no Business Casual…

Nurses…Like Ninjas On The Warped Wall

I love watching American Ninja Warrior competitions.  American Ninja Warrior - Season 7Those who know me well will say it’s because one of the co-hosts fits my affinity toward bald black men.  Yes, Akbar Gbaja-Biamila (former pro-football player) is completely dreamy and is an added bonus for watching.  But mostly I love to watch because I admire the determination of the competitors.  Anyone who can persevere through tough training for an end goal that may not come to fruition, inspires me.  I love the tenacity, the grit, the I can do it attitude, the test of a human spirit. Continue reading Nurses…Like Ninjas On The Warped Wall

Here’s a free pass for the “F&*K THAT” train…

Life is a ride.  Life is a road trip.  Life is a journey.  Curve-ball…bumps in the road…hiccups…  These should all ring a bell of familiarity.  If the first is a cliche about life in general, the latter is a cliche that describes when life is not so friendly.  My question is: On what are you riding?

In a recent conversation with a friend it kind of came to me quite by accident yet made so much sense.  I see it as the option to ride three trains.  Continue reading Here’s a free pass for the “F&*K THAT” train…

Dear Lady, stop cooking…

Dear Lady,

It’s high time we stop this nonsense of you trying to cook.  You…are a baker, not a cook, there’s a difference!  I realize you’re trying to do the right thing.  In the roles that have evolved over time in the house, it makes the most sense that you are in charge of meals.  But your family is not expecting fancy.  No one is expecting an elaborate entree every night.  This is not a restaurant!  Continue reading Dear Lady, stop cooking…

Cookie Dough is my Kryptonite!

In my family, I am known as the Dessert Queen.  crowns - EditedI’ve never been the mom to have homemade cookies waiting warm for the “kiddies” once they came off the bus.  Screw that!  If I wasn’t working a 13 hour shift I was taking a nap to recover from one.  Continue reading Cookie Dough is my Kryptonite!

Curse of The Kettlebell

An object with the definition of cast-iron or cast-steel weight should potentially be illegal as a workout tool.  Or maybe it should require a license for use.  In order to obtain one you have to prove yourself tolerant of the hurt it inflicts.  Are you worthy?  Can you withstand the beating? I was introduced to the kettlebell a couple years ago by a trainer I sincerely admire and aspire to be like.  A strong female persona defying all the odds of aging and putting  Continue reading Curse of The Kettlebell